Reasons Why We Stay

We all know the reasons we continue to stay and put up with this horrible, abusive, controlling person. 

We aren't stupid.  We might feel like we are by putting up with the abuse for so long, but we really aren't stupid.

Many women and men stay in unhappy, even abusive relationships for numerous reasons:

For example;

1) They are trying to stick it out until the children graduate high school;

2) Maybe things will turn around and their partner will realize how badly they are treating you and change;

3) If you did something different that your partner always said you never did for them, the abuse would stop;

4) Why would anyone else want me, I'm broken;

5) My partner is right, no one else would want me...I've let myself go...so I might as well just stay where I am;

6) I got lucky even finding my partner, I was single for so long before we met;

7) I can't afford to be out on my own, and I'm not strong enough to get out there and try;

8) If I leave, I am afraid my partner will find me and hurt me...or worse...possibly end my life;

9) I love my partner still, but feel hate, too--I'm torn as to what decision to make;

10) I have no one else to talk to or get help anymore.  I've been complaining about it to all my friends and family for years, and now I have no one to talk to that will help me or listen to me.

I've got news for you.  I went through every single reason above, and they are all excuses.  Yes, your fear might feel justified.  But what is fear really? False Evidence Appearing Real?  Yeah, I have heard that, too.

But heck, THIS IS REAL!  That is why it is imperative you think through everything rationally and make a plan. 

You must contact your local Domestic Violence program in your area and see what options you have. 

It's time to look in the mirror and get STRONG again.  You are far from a shrinking violet.  But you have been poked like a piece of meat, over and over and over again until you feel like you are done.

I have news for you.  Abused women and men are stronger than their abusers!  Do you think THEY could put up with themselves!?

They are like that BECAUSE they can't stand themselves.  And guess what? 
YOU CAN'T FIX HIM OR HER.  And it is NOT your JOB to do so anyway.

Buy Codependent No More. It's a book by Melody Beattie.  You can find it on Amazon or a local book store near you.  It will help you.

Believe it or not, abused victims are controlling.  We manipulate other people, our surroundings, and ourselves.  What other outlet do we have to cope with this abuse?

You have plenty of options!!!

1) Start taking care of yourself. 

2) Eat healthfully!

3) Go for walks in the sunlight

4) Say hello to people passing by when you are walking

5) Look up at others when you walk - you can search for pennies on the ground when you get your self esteem back!

6) Stop shopping for things you don't need.  It only makes you more unhappy, and in debt!

7) Start making one healthy decision EACH DAY.  

  * Pay a bill on time

  * Call a friend or family member just to see how they are doing without talking about your situation (re-establish relationships, you'd be surprised how much they really DO want to hear from you...leave your "situation" out of the conversation though...for now)

  * Eat a salad

  * Simplify your life and donate some unworn clothes to Goodwill and help those who have none

  * Do things that make YOU feel good about being YOU -- a good person, someone who really does love life...even if you don't feel that way...trust me...you do love life!!!  And I won't let you fight me on that :o)

  * GO AND BUY "THE SECRET" AND WATCH IT ONCE A WEEK!!! 

  * Post a comment on this article of my BLOG and let me know how you are doing, and what wonderful thing you took action on and did to put a smile on your face and warm your heart today!

I can't wait to hear from you...God Bless.

Adrienne