Domestic Violence and Children

The noblest and the best that a man can do for his children is love their mother. It is in this situation and only in this situation that a child thrives physically and emotionally. Sons and daughters lucky enough to be born to such a father develop all facets of their personality and grow up into fully rounded, secure adults. They know they are loved and this gives them a feeling of security that no amount of money or other worldly possessions can provide. They instinctively treat people with respect and affection, and solve problems peacefully rather than resort to violent methods.

The opposite scenario is not really pleasant, but it has to be discussed. Extensive studies conducted on domestic violence and children, have proved conclusively that children born and brought up amid scenes of family violence, first and foremost, implicitly believe they are the reason for the whole mess. In fact it is very hard, almost impossible to convince them that they are not responsible for the blood and the tears. This misplaced guilt makes them incredibly miserable and plants seeds of behavioral and emotional problems that grow bigger as they emerge into adulthood. By then these issues planted in childhood have them in its hold and turn them into replicas of what they once feared and abhorred, thereby setting in motion a vicious cycle of domestic violence.

The repercussions of repeated scenes of domestic violence experienced do not wait for adulthood before they emerge. Recurrent nightmares, bedwetting, chronic thumb sucking, stuttering, and a tendency to withdraw into themselves are symptomatic of children who witness domestic violence on a regular basis. Even an occasional bout of uncharacteristically loud verbal exchange between parents can emotionally upset children, long after the adults have patched up.  Small children are terribly traumatized by the sight of the two people they love the most in their little world hurt each other. They do not understand the reasons that the adults may imagine they have, to justify the violence. All they see is the aggression, the pain; and all they hear are the yells and the screams. What they sense and assimilate is the total absence of love in that room at that point of time. This creates a void in their little hearts which they seek to fill, even up to adulthood, with all the wrong substitutes.

Children coming from such a background often display pronounced difficulty in schools. They become loners unable to form healthy relationships and fun friendships. It is not that they prefer this state of affairs; but rather that they are not equipped emotionally to fit in or be part of a group. They lack communication skills and the only way they can communicate is through violence. Their ardent desire to be part of something is frustrated by their inability to function normally. They resort to bullying and tormenting those they believe are weaker than them, and are therefore unable to hit back. This behavior is not reserved for the school yard. The frustrations that run deep make them turn against figures of authority and their own parents.

Statistics on domestic violence provide clear indications of an increase in teen domestic violence.   They are fully equipped for this sort of behavior because this is what they have been witnessing and assimilating since they can remember. In some cases, this is the only behavior they can remember. They turn into school yard bullies, using aggression and profanity to carve their niche in society. In fact they become so adept at this that nobody sees the poor frightened child cowering beneath this macho façade.

This behavior soon graduates into alcohol and drug abuse, from which they may even turn to drug pushing in order to pay for their addiction. Society labels them misguided youth and tries half-hearted rehabilitation programs that really do not do much to help. The violence they experienced as children has programmed them much deeper than any rehab can and we have a no-win situation.
 
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