Domestic Violence Shelters

Most women entering a relationship invest everything they have; financially, emotionally, as well as physically. They devote themselves to building and feathering their nest with a partner who, they believe they will grow old together with. But often times once the thrill of the honeymoon has given way to the routine of the daily grind, and sometimes even before that, signs of domestic violence rears its ugly head. This is not always physical.  On the contrary, this could be constant verbal and emotional trauma, which is definitely a form of domestic violence.

All her investments come to naught, and she is forced to flee with her life after enduring months and years of all types of abuse. This is a very hard decision for a woman to make, for various reasons. She might not be financially independent, and if there are children involved, she would have no choice but to stay. Even if she were capable of finding a source of income, she may be held back by the daunting responsibility of finding affordable accommodations.

She would have to believe herself capable of being both father and mother to her children, and work hard at providing them as normal a life as possible under the circumstances. All these and many other similar reasons hold her back. But if there was any source of help that would support, inform, and enable her in her decision to move out, most victims would be glad to grab it.

This is where domestic violence shelters come into the picture. About 30 years ago when domestic violence was just beginning to be recognized as a virulent crime, the only options open to battered women and children were to either continue living with the abuser, or wind up homeless on the streets. According to the NCADV, in the 1980's there were more animal shelters than there were domestic violence shelters. But now things have picked up and you have over 2,000 shelters run by organizations, institutions, voluntary agencies, feminist groups, religious institutions (churches), as well as the government at both state and national levels. So if you are an abused woman, and you believe your life, as well as that of your children are in peril, you definitely have a choice that women of the previous generation did not.

Shelters for domestic abuse victims act as temporary havens of safety while they negotiate their freedom from the abuse, and try to rebuild their lives. Almost all shelters offer domestic violence counseling, training, financial aid, life-skills, childcare, mental health services and legal assistance. One of the main reasons a victim continues to remain in an abusive relationship is her financial dependency on the abuser. Her own insecurities as to her capability to stand on her own feet and take care of her children also contribute to this problem.

Certain shelters address this issue by providing basic high school equivalency classes, training in computer certificate courses, and other such basic skills which give her the required confidence. Some hold workshops for necessary work place skills such as resume writing, facing interviews, office etiquette, time management, and personal development courses that help the victim to make the transition from the hearth to the work culture.

Children have special group and individual counseling, play-therapy sessions, educational assistance, and other activities that ease their trauma. Most shelters have a full-time child therapist familiar with the special needs of a domestic violence child victim.

Once you have decided to move out and into a shelter, you should check out the available resources in your vicinity. You should look at factors that could improve or sabotage your attempts at a fresh start.

Checking out the policies of the shelter may be a good start. Some are run by feminists groups, others by religious organizations (contact local churches in your area), ethnic minority groups, and even agencies that are not supported either by the law or the courts.

You would severely curtail your chances at justice if you got mixed up with the wrong crowd, and it could prove to be the proverbial frying pan into the fire experience. Gather information about their childcare policies, as well as their stance on abusers. How secure are their premises? Do they have security personnel?  Are there any house rules you couldn’t comply with, such as no-smoking, or curfews? Make visits to your shelter of choice and gather information from other residents. This is something you should plan, and not make a quick, hasty decision.  However, if you are in a life-threatening position and believe you will be seriously injured or worse, your life will be ended, then take immediate action to leave the premises.  Be fully aware of every step you take, because this is the all important first step in rebuilding your life.
 
If a woman is to leave her abuser, a solid plan of action must be taken to ensure her continued safety.  Her mind must be made up 100% that she will not go back to the abuser under any circumstance, and if moving away is her only option, then that is where the plan must begin and followed through to completion so she may begin her new life.

Remember, moving into a small, one-bedroom studio either by yourself or with your children is worth more than staying in the “comfort” of a nice home.  You cannot put a price on safety and the feeling of security for all victims involved.  Saving pennies or dollars each day or week when you can, and searching for a job in another town or state is an option you do have. 

If you plan ahead, make phone calls to shelters where you will be going, check apartment down payments and rent prices, look for a job in that area and obtain one, and do not let anyone know where you are going, for any reason.  AFTER you leave, file a restraining order, but use a Postal Annex in your old town with an address there.  Then, have someone else pick up your mail and send it to you.  Do not provide the Postal Annex or mail location with your current, REAL, address.  Provide them with your former address.


Please feel free to leave a comment to let me know if this article helped you, or what other topics you would like to see on the site.  I started this site to help others, so I want to make sure you are getting the most from it. God Bless.

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