Is Verbal Abuse a form of Domestic Violence
Is Verbal Abuse a form of Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is an issue that brings to mind violent acts committed by a big strong male against a weak, fragile woman, cowering in a corner, helpless to defend herself against the onslaught. She would most probably have a bloodied lip, a black eye or cheeks flaming from a series of tight slaps. In extreme cases she would be lying prone on the ground, perhaps unconscious, having hit her head as she fell.
If this case were to become public, there would be much deserved sympathy and offers of help for the poor, broken victim. That is how it should be. In this situation, the signs of domestic violence are there for everyone to see.
Imagine if we take the same couple out of this situation and put them in one where the same emotions rule, but the man never lays a finger on the woman. No, he does not believe in physical violence where you would see signs of abuse. But he does not see anything wrong in calling her rude, insulting names.
He vents his frustrations and mindless anger in a stream of invectives, each word punctuated with abusive, four-letter words. He tells her how pathetic she is, how completely useless, ugly, fat, sexless, unattractive, stupid, lazy and worthless he sees her.
He resorts to throwing objects on the floor or flinging them against walls, barely missing her, but succeeding in creating a sense of terror. Then he storms out the door slamming it shut with a deafening thud, leaving her flinching. If she were to bring this up, she would be faced with the question, “Did he hurt you?” to which she would have to sadly nod in the negative. To actually qualify as a violent act, verbal abuse would have to draw blood, or so it would seem. Clearly the definition of domestic violence must be re-written.
Verbal abuse–sticks and stones they say, but in fact it is spears and swords that hit you right where you live, in your heart. You do not see any actual bleeding, any wounds or scars to show outside trauma. Even the victim may come to believe that all is well…forgiven and forgotten. But the pain never leaves.
The perpetrator believes it is all right, since he has not actually slapped or beaten or even touched the so-called victim. He self-righteously believes he is a much better person than the spouse-beater. Domestic violence statistics would not include gentlemen like him in their list of perpetrators.
In the domestic front, husbands do it; wives do it. They hurt each other with words and cause endless pain, which carries over into the other spheres of family life, even affecting children. But society condones it as normal marital behaviour, or something that is simply not worth serious consideration.
While an occasional flare-up might be thus swept under the rug, the horrible trauma caused by constant and calculated verbal abuse is a slow poison that kills the victim by increasing degrees psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes even physically.
Why, then, is there a reluctance to recognize this extreme form of abuse as an act of violence?
The answer probably lies in the fact that domestic violence against a woman is so widely prevalent that it ceases to horrify. It is just another domestic violence story to be soon forgotten by all, except the victim.
In some situations, the perpetrator even shows signs of remorse and comes back home with a bunch of flowers or maybe even diamonds, depending on the social situation, completely expecting to be forgiven and welcomed back gratefully. The victim desperately hoping that it will never happen again complies.
She is going to be such a good wife that he can’t but love and cherish her. Yeah right; when pigs fly. The drama is repeated again and again, until one fine day, one of two things happen: she either breaks down completely, or it finally dawns on her that she really shouldn’t have to put up with this.
If she is lucky and uses only her mind and disregards her heart completely (it wasn’t telling her the truth, anyway), she will get the heck out of this destructive cycle while she is still in one piece--at least physically, if not emotionally.
The harm caused by this virulent form of abuse is hard to quantify, and therefore not considered a cause for concern by many outsiders. The only witness to the damage done is the victim herself. The one who causes the damage is not even aware of the repercussions of his actions, and in most cases doesn’t really care even if he was aware.
A common justification is that it was said in a bout of anger and he “didn’t really mean it”, or, “it just came out that way and was not meant to sound like that.” But that is cold comfort for the abused who continues to suffer silently, while pretending desperately that all is well, not only to society, but herself, too.
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was a victim and want to stop and speak out to others and is ok to press charges. I was scared in my past and i did press charges on someone 2yrs ago of been attacked almost chocked to death and have to live with that part and still feel his hands on my throat and he will be up for paroll and I am ging .
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FANTASTIC READ. ONE WHICH TELLS MY OWN PERSONAL STORIE TO A T! HOW COMFORTING TO SEE THE WORDS OF ANOTHER WHO TRUELY UNDERSTANDS X. MANY OF MY BROKEN BONES AND WOUND HAVE HEALED YET YEARS INTO MY HEALING THE TAUNTS AND VERBAL ABUSE STILL ECHO IN MY HEAD.
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So glad you liked my message. To this day it still bothers me.Or something will trigger my mind that i remember something. Or my husband say anything than i will get flash backs. Guess mental abuse will never go away and it is a scare for life? Or a movie on life time of abuse will remind me of what i have gone through and thank god i am lucky. Every Thanksgiving i say to myself thank you god to be alive is my blessing each year for the last 13yrs. Atleast i know people are out there like us who understands where we are coming from and and can relate to there stories.
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In the past i didn't know what was worse verbal abuse or phycially. Mental you will always have the scare in your mind. And phycially the scares goes away and the pain will always stays for life. Outsiders don't understand of abuse and can't help others in the same postion as battery ladies,women and we can relate to others with the pain we gone through and try to help others. Outsiders will be there for us but, cannot help us or guide other people with there pain. Or cry with us or help us with our nightmares will hunt us all of our lifes and we take it day by day.
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Visit our site for advice and support on all womans issues.
www.womanssupportzone.com
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As a practicing lawyer who has been to court for over 30 victims of domestic violence to date since June of 2008, I see that a huge problem for victims has been a fear of legal system itself. It can be daunting, and there is a lot to worry about, but it has always been worth it, to every plaintiff I have represented, seen or even heard about. It does send a message to the offender that the victim is not alone. Call your local Legal Aid office for your county for help filing the petition; it's easier than you might think.
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Ladies,
I cannot help but to reflect upon the women in my own personal circle who have experienced some form of violence and even death for an aunt from their husbands. I have gathered their stories and those of women I have known for only a brief while and now I would like to hear you story which will be read during Colored Blue - a project of World Storytelling Day - All stories may be sent via email or fax - marvelousstories@yahoo.com or 404.349.0053.
When it comes to domestic violence, we all know either by first or second hand that domestic violence is a serious, preventable public health problem affecting more than 32 million Americans, or more than 10% of the U.S. population.
On Saturday, March 21, 2009, at 7 pm in Atlanta, GA, a pilot project with women who have experienced Domestic Violence will share their stories via Colored Blue: Survival Stories of our Neighbors Who Lived Beyond Domestic Violence (a storytelling/creative writing project that will give voice to the struggles and success of living as survivors) during the World Storytelling Day. These are stories and images of our family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors and strangers.
I believe it is tremendously important to unify the stories which will give greater voice to a preventable health problem affecting more than 32 million Americans. Stories and images from Colored Blue will will be on display during the event and perhaps by the sharing of stories even if it was just a piece of the story, our mothers, sisters, friends and strangers will have taken back the life that was once stolen from them.
There is no such thing as too many stories and that is why I am in the process of collecting more stories from more women who will share their experience.
Please feel free to forward this correspondence to as many women that you know. All stories may be sent via email or fax - marvelousstories@yahoo.com or 404.349.0053.
Thank you for deposit in the lives of others through your story!
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