Domest Violence No More!

Is Verbal Abuse a form of Domestic Violence

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:06:36 GMT

Is Verbal Abuse a form of Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is an issue that brings to mind violent acts committed by a big strong male against a weak, fragile woman, cowering in a corner, helpless to defend herself against the onslaught. She would most probably have a bloodied lip, a black eye or cheeks flaming from a series of tight slaps. In extreme cases she would be lying prone on the ground, perhaps unconscious, having hit her head as she fell.

If this case were to become public, there would be much deserved sympathy and offers of help for the poor, broken victim. That is how it should be. In this situation, the signs of domestic violence are there for everyone to see.

Imagine if we take the same couple out of this situation and put them in one where the same emotions rule, but the man never lays a finger on the woman. No, he does not believe in physical violence where you would see signs of abuse. But he does not see anything wrong in calling her rude, insulting names.

He vents his frustrations and mindless anger in a stream of invectives, each word punctuated with abusive, four-letter words. He tells her how pathetic she is, how completely useless, ugly, fat, sexless, unattractive, stupid, lazy and worthless he sees her.

He resorts to throwing objects on the floor or flinging them against walls, barely missing her, but succeeding in creating a sense of terror. Then he storms out the door slamming it shut with a deafening thud, leaving her flinching. If she were to bring this up, she would be faced with the question, “Did he hurt you?” to which she would have to sadly nod in the negative. To actually qualify as a violent act, verbal abuse would have to draw blood, or so it would seem. Clearly the definition of domestic violence must be re-written.

Verbal abuse–sticks and stones they say, but in fact it is spears and swords that hit you right where you live, in your heart. You do not see any actual bleeding, any wounds or scars to show outside trauma. Even the victim may come to believe that all is well…forgiven and forgotten. But the pain never leaves.

The perpetrator believes it is all right, since he has not actually slapped or beaten or even touched the so-called victim. He self-righteously believes he is a much better person than the spouse-beater. Domestic violence statistics would not include gentlemen like him in their list of perpetrators.

In the domestic front, husbands do it; wives do it. They hurt each other with words and cause endless pain, which carries over into the other spheres of family life, even affecting children. But society condones it as normal marital behaviour, or something that is simply not worth serious consideration.

While an occasional flare-up might be thus swept under the rug, the horrible trauma caused by constant and calculated verbal abuse is a slow poison that kills the victim by increasing degrees psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes even physically.

Why, then, is there a reluctance to recognize this extreme form of abuse as an act of violence?

The answer probably lies in the fact that domestic violence against a woman is so widely prevalent that it ceases to horrify. It is just another domestic violence story to be soon forgotten by all, except the victim.

In some situations, the perpetrator even shows signs of remorse and comes back home with a bunch of flowers or maybe even diamonds, depending on the social situation, completely expecting to be forgiven and welcomed back gratefully. The victim desperately hoping that it will never happen again complies.

She is going to be such a good wife that he can’t but love and cherish her. Yeah right; when pigs fly. The drama is repeated again and again, until one fine day, one of two things happen: she either breaks down completely, or it finally dawns on her that she really shouldn’t have to put up with this.

If she is lucky and uses only her mind and disregards her heart completely (it wasn’t telling her the truth, anyway), she will get the heck out of this destructive cycle while she is still in one piece--at least physically, if not emotionally.

The harm caused by this virulent form of abuse is hard to quantify, and therefore not considered a cause for concern by many outsiders. The only witness to the damage done is the victim herself. The one who causes the damage is not even aware of the repercussions of his actions, and in most cases doesn’t really care even if he was aware.

A common justification is that it was said in a bout of anger and he “didn’t really mean it”, or, “it just came out that way and was not meant to sound like that.” But that is cold comfort for the abused who continues to suffer silently, while pretending desperately that all is well, not only to society, but herself, too.

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Domestic Violence Awareness

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:06:51 GMT

Domestic Violence Awareness

Creating awareness is always a practical step to curbing anything from an epidemic to the lack of government policy. Domestic violence, an acknowledged yet invisible crime committed right under the collective noses of the law and society, often seems to get away mostly disguised as some other minor offence. Until recently, the law of the male, for the male, and by the male, found it well nigh impossible to even consider it a crime. Women who complained and attempted to use some legal provision to save their lives were treated as hysterical wrecks who imagined monsters under the bed.

To what do we attribute this large scale of insensitivity? Cold hearted cynicism and sheer bull-headed stupidity might pop into mind as appropriate answers, but it is, at least in some cases, a little more than that. It is the unawareness of the magnitude of this crime that causes some people to dismiss the stark depravity of abuse simply out of hand. To the majority, it is unimaginable that these things actually happen. Mainly, it could be because personally speaking they cannot imagine treating their spouse or any living being in this manner.

Or it could be that they are due for a reality check as far as recent social documentary is concerned. These people exist in their own bubbles, far removed from the reality of suffering and pain in the lives of the less fortunate, almost like the "let them eat cake" episode in French history. But the real problem arises when these uninformed airheads adorn positions of power and pass judgements based on their myopic, ill-formed opinions on what is decidedly the worst crime perpetrated against womankind.

Therefore, it is vital that any domestic violence imperative address this section of perpetrators who undermine the cause of victims by their callous ignorance. Domestic violence awareness needs to be broadcast to every section of society from Supreme Court judges to school boys. Most people have no clue; others have the wrong understanding. To some people it is actually a fact of domestic bliss that husbands occasionally push their wives around a bit, and then make up with a pathetic bunch of flowers.

A very good place to start would be right from the portals of education. What could be more important than learning to treat a fellow human being with respect and love? Domestic violence education in schools should be made mandatory. Given the fact that this social evil is a silent spectre haunting most kids' lives, this could make them feel less of a deviant creature, and find more acceptance. This could also take care of the issue of teen domestic violence in dating relationships as they grow older. Basic decency which should come naturally has somehow become extinct, but that doesn't mean it can't be drilled or ingrained like the multiplication tables or the periodic table into the young child's psyche.

This has to be followed up at the University level with courses leading to degrees, diplomas or certificates in domestic violence. Women's Studies still concentrate on political issues of inequality in the workplace, often failing to address burning issues of personal violence and victimization. Young women graduates come out feeling empowered and enabled only to feel absolutely helpless against the various forms of personal violence they have to face in real life. Their education has short-changed them by not preparing them or even educating them about the facts of domestic violence.

Local committees, clubs and other organizations address issues of road safety, park maintenance, civil liberties, AIDS, Hepatitis virus, and such which are all highly commendable. In the same vein, they could give importance to creating domestic violence awareness.

Power point presentations on domestic violence are an effective way to leave lasting impressions on the minds of the viewer. Flyers, media advertisements, cultural activities, mime shows, art work, songs and poems are all effective and imaginative ways that various organizations and the government can create awareness and inform the public that it is indeed a serious crime that needs stopping.

The Australian government has a sensitive and brilliant message on popular media where the slogan goes, "To violence against women, Australia says No!" which leaves no one in doubt as to the seriousness of this vile act.

The month of October which is meant to be domestic violence awareness month gets less coverage than soccer or NBA, which serves to give the impression that it really is not that important. Domestic violence training for law enforcement officers should be mandatory and detailed rather than haphazard and slipshod. Only a scientific awareness of the issue can engender their total participation in a domestic abuse case.

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Domestic Violence Attorney

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:06:03 GMT

Domestic Violence Attorney

A competent domestic violence attorney is an integral part of your fight to regain your life and cut loose from the storm of violence ruining your life. Most domestic violence victims may not be in a position to afford or even look for an efficient domestic violence lawyer. They may be severely restricted in their endeavor either by their lack of experience in this social climate, or may be impeded by their need to hide their whereabouts from the abuser.

However, once you've moved to a shelter or some other safe place, it is important to find a good attorney and place your case in his or her hands, and follow the vital advice you receive.

Domestic violence organizations such as the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence offers free legal assistance to victims who have no way of helping themselves. The services of able lawyers, well-versed in the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act, the Violence Against Women Act, and other relevant pieces of legislation then take over your case and fight for your justice, acting in your best interests.

Attorneys provided will first ensure you are a genuine victim under the prevailing parameters of the law. Once this is established, they help you initiate a domestic violence complaint and any restraining order you may want taken against your abuser.

These domestic violence lawyer’s initiate legal proceedings by preparing your case for trial, gathering evidence, and subpoenaing witnesses. They also help with getting you temporary child support, custody, and alimony. You may even win compensation for destroyed property, medical expenses, loss of income, and legal fees.

Sometimes false domestic violence charges are brought against innocent men by their partners, in order to gain favorable outcomes in divorce settlements, or purely out of vindictiveness. A guilty plea can change the life of the innocent victim, who in this case would be the alleged abuser.

Domestic violence charges stick with a vengeance and cannot be withdrawn even by the one who pressed charges. This is meant to protect genuine victims who might be bullied by the abuser to drop charges. In the case of an innocent man, this can be terribly traumatic for everyone involved. This is when he would need the services of an extremely qualified domestic violence defense attorney, to get him out of this unwarranted mess.

Domestic violence charges are one of the toughest and carry severe collateral damage, not to speak of the irreparable harm done to an innocent person’s name and good standing in society. If convicted, it can result in a prison sentence, sex offender registration, loss of fire-arms license, and hefty fines.

A good domestic violence defense attorney can make sure your rights are protected and justice is served.

Whatever your case maybe, it is very important to provide your attorney with the truth, as far as you know it. They do not like being surprised in court by the opposition, and if caught unaware, it could affect the outcome of the case. It is absolutely essential that your attorney knows the situation as much as possible, with any evidence you can provide (pictures, videos, taped telephone messages,witnesses by co-workers, friends, and family).

Defense attorneys might employ various tactics in order to win the case for their clients, and these proceedings might prove quite upsetting to the victim.

Seeing the abuser in court itself might prove a hardship for the victim. But it is important to put your faith in the justice system and in your attorney who has the legal expertise and the experience to ensure you get fair representation and stop the abuse in your life once and for all.

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Domestic Violence Men Do Not Fear the Law

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:05:48 GMT

Divorce Name Change Kit

Why are Men Going on the Offensive in Spite of Increased Public Attention on Domestic Violence?

In simple terms this could be answered thus: it is because when caught in the frenzy of violence, the abuser really does not care what anyone thinks, what the law can do, or any other consequences. When bent on murder, he is beyond caring whether he lives or dies, and this is backed by the increasing numbers of homicide-suicides, where the abuser kills the partner and then kills himself.

In the early stage, he is often emboldened by the victim's tendency to cover up rather than take any action, or even stand up for herself. Most domestic violence victims just concentrate on getting the relationship back on keel and are inclined to bend over backwards to achieve some sort of peace.

At this stage, both abusing and making up are the prerogatives of the abuser. These actions are performed on his terms, and the victim is not in a position or even wanting to take charge. Gradually, the abuser extends full control over the victim, he comes and goes, beats and loves, is charming and ferocious as and when he pleases. He is well and truly the subject and she is the confirmed object. So with nothing to check his advancing control and violence, he turns full-fledged abuser.

Once he has reached this stage, no vestige of normalcy remains in his consciousness. He is totally drunk with power, and not scared to use it. This explains why offenders disregard domestic violence restraining orders with impunity, and continue stalking and harassing the victims.

Centuries of patriarchal conditioning and living in a male-dominating society now equips him to act with impunity with no fear of reprisal. The considerable amount of support and succor that a victim now receives is miniscule when compared with the mammoth proportions of biases and prejudices ranged against her as a norm in society.

The "boys will be boys" mentality with which the patriarchal systems view domestic violence cases makes it even harder for victims to receive justice. This explains the comparatively lenient sentences meted out to offenders as a matter of routine. Victims do receive sympathy, especially when grievous bodily harm is perceived, but the offender is not condemned harshly enough. He is let off with a rap on the knuckles when he deserves a kick in the backside.

Another noteworthy fact is that domestic violence offenders are to be found among police officers, domestic violence attorneys, advocates, the judiciary, and even among political leaders. A support system for victims that may be set up by these officials who moonlight as abusers doesn't inspire much confidence. "So what's the big deal with the black eye? I gave my wife one the other day, and she just put on more eye-shadow. Deal with it woman!" This may be what's going on in their minds while uttering a politically right, "Tsk…tsk!"

Harsher punishments and stricter battering programs are called for in order to dissuade domestic abuse. The evils of this vile act have to be publicized by consistent domestic violence awareness programs.

Society has to stop condoning violence as a natural male thing, and condemn victims as having "asked for it."

Domestic violence episodes happening around you should not be ignored or disregarded as a private matter, but considered a potential murder and informed to relevant authorities. If a woman you witnessed being beaten up yesterday winds up dead today, you are morally responsible for not taking action that may have prevented the abuser from proceeding this far. You do not have to dive into the middle of an episode and play action hero; it only takes a discreet phone call to the domestic violence hotline.

As long as people do nothing to intervene, abusers control the victim as well as the spectators. The victim may be helpless to break this vicious control, but a spectator or witness surely does not have to be controlled by the abuser.

Take action, stop abuse, and feel the glow that comes with having done your good deed for the day.

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Domestic Violence and Men who Kill their Wives or Girlfriends

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:05:13 GMT

Domestic Violence and Men who Kill their Wives or Girlfriends

Men who kill their pregnant partners in cold blood are pure unadulterated evil in human form. There are no two ways about this. About 20 per cent of pregnant women who died during their pregnancy were murdered by an intimate partner.

I had to read this a number of times to let it sink in, because it seems so unbelievable that there were that many men in relationships, who were capable of killing their partner and their unborn child. It is no longer an isolated or rarest of rare cases; it is endemic.

According to the Washington Post about 1,300 pregnant women were killed by their partner during the 14 year period from 1990 - 2004, which means about 1300 men were able to turn around and snuff the life out of someone they were supposed to have loved the most.

Domestic violence statistics provide compelling evidence to this horrible fact.

What is even more demonic than this fact is the lenient sentences they get based on pleas such as spur-of-the-moment impulse, insane rage, provoked beyond endurance, jealous rage, and similar fairy tales that judges seem to lap up like hungry street dogs lap up three day old meat.

We have heard plenty about how they do it. Let us try to figure out why they do it. Are all men potential spouse murderers? Don't they all have the same hormones and drives? These are basic questions that crop up.

No, men are not natural born killers. Even men who have issues such as growing up amidst scenes of domestic violence, consume alcohol, are physically aggressive with other males, pick fights in bars, are into physical sport such as boxing and wrestling, et cetera, do not compulsorily turn their violent tendencies on their partners. In fact there are men who tone down considerably in the presence of their loved ones.

So who are the men who do it, and what prompts them? These would be the sick psychopaths who are totally self-centered, unemotional, and incapable of empathy. You can recognize some traits in them such as a tendency to be pathological liars, an elevated sense of self, sociopathic in the extreme.

These tendencies only get stronger and deeper with time and cannot be changed by you.

Recent studies in genetics have pointed to certain physical characteristics that may be indications of cruelty and unemotional behavior. According to this, men with short thick necks, short arms, and hands in relation to the rest of their body, may possess the ability to exhibit cruelty. Now this is may be refuted by advanced studies, but for defenseless women clutching at straws, it may prove useful to keep this in mind. Use your own powers of observation. Check out domestic violence news and pictures of spouse murderers such as Bobby Cutts Jr. and others and see if this proves to be valid.

These men are not able to think of or care about anyone. Even when they have caused hurt to another, they can only talk about how inconvenienced they have been by the whole episode. A pregnancy is for them, a major inconvenience.

What is the happiest moment of a healthy man's life is for these freaks a disruption that should be ended, a wrong move that has to be corrected. If it means killing the woman and the baby it is as big a deal as running over the neighbor's dog while rushing to meet an important appointment.

He might not be upset about it in any major way, except be inconvenienced and annoyed as if he were forced to mow the lawn, when all he wanted was to hang in the hammock all day for the rest of his life. Everything in his life including the woman is there for his convenience—the car is not supposed to break down, the woman is not supposed to get pregnant, it is not supposed to rain on his picnic, period.

Steer clear, my friends, steer clear of he who does not think you are important; who thinks you can be won over easily with charm, flowers, and flashy objects; who hurts you happily and doesn't regret it; who comes onto you while still with another woman or just fresh from a break up.

Before he starts exerting physical pressure and violence on you, he'll do it verbally and emotionally.

If he compels you verbally to do things you do not want to, take it as a warning and beware.

Domestic violence and murder are not too far away for these men. Do not hang around for it to get better, it won't.

Divorce Name Change Kit

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Domestic Violence Stick to Your Story No Matter What

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:05:31 GMT

Be Prepared to Stick to Your Story — No Matter What

Woman! Thy name is Frailty. Shakespeare sure knew what he was talking about. One can only wish he had elaborated a bit more while on the topic, because it is very hard to fathom why a woman who has been battered to within an inch of her life would retract all complaints she had made against her abuser, sometimes even within the hour.

She would still be sporting the bruises, and the bleeding would have been barely stemmed, signs of domestic violence still evident, but there she is claiming she had actually just tripped down the stairs while dancing with joy over her privileged existence.

Well, if that is how she sees it, how can anyone else do anything to help? How can you help someone who does not want to be helped? Anyone with half an eye can see the victim needs help, and there might be at least a half-dozen who want to help, out of which there will be a couple who can actually do something practically useful to get her out of this mess. But the one who should initiate action to help has chosen not to. Right now in such a situation the victim and the perpetrator are hand-in-glove, which is preposterous.

The victim in this case, needs to be educated on certain facts of life. She still loves him. She believes that he loves her too, which he may at some level. He is the father of her children, and they need a father. Breaking up a family is not a nice thing to do.

Her religion forbids it. How can she bring domestic violence charges against her own husband? He is going to change, she just knows it. She cannot take the children away from him. She needs the money. Nobody else would want a loser like her. While all these fears may have an element of truth in them, it should not in any way compel a woman to stay in a relationship where she knows she is going to be abused and not respected.

Let us check out these statements and attempt an answer to each.

Yes it may be true that she loves him. Love is a powerful emotion. It does not leave when it finds an excuse to leave; rather it stays on continuing in hope. It may also be true that he loves her in some distorted version concocted by his sick mind.

The fact is that when someone loves you, you cannot stop smiling. If you are anxious and crying all the time, it surely can be taken as an indication that whatever he feels for you, it is not love in the true sense of the word.
Yes, the children need a father; but one they can love and respect, not one they fear and loathe.

No religion asks that you stay and get abused day in and day out. Every religion has rules for both the husband and wife. The combination of religion and domestic violence has not been interpreted in any sensible manner.

The husband’s commitments and responsibilities are usually conveniently disregarded. Marriage vows take two people to fulfill. If only one is attempting to keep all the vows it’s not a marriage; it’s more like a New Year’s resolution. There really is a big difference between the two.

Him, change? Not in a million years, unless he becomes aware of his problem, and actively seeks serious counseling.

Yes, she should take the children away from him and as far away as possible, so they are spared the ill-effects of all the violence.

Yes, it is possible, especially as an aftermath of long periods of abuse, that you lose your self-esteem. But don’t give up. With help from bodies such as domestic violence non-profit organizations available all over the country take charge of your life, your children. Take action, and stick to it.

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Domestic Violence and Sibling Relationships

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:04:57 GMT

Domestic Violence and Sibling Relationships

Children exposed to domestic violence are ripped out of the innocent confines of their childhood and planted bang in the middle of adult experiences at their goriest. The trauma this engenders can be studied, researched and analyzed till you are blue in the face, but it doesn't do much for the actual victims. These kids have lost their grounding and have been unmoored before they were ready for an independent life.

A major effect of domestic violence on children is their violent growth spurt from happy naiveté to the burden of the knowledge of life acquired far too early. They are ill-prepared to bear this and it results in various repercussions. Some fold under the stress and remain frozen at this emotional age even while the physical body attains maturity. They grow into adults with the mental temerity of a frightened child. They are socially inept citizens incapable of forming healthy relationships with peers or even with their own siblings.

The older sibling in a violent family is the most affected in the sense that he or she is more keenly aware of what's going on than the younger ones. This child then reacts in one of many ways. Some instinctively take over the parenting of the younger siblings and turn protector. They become the emotional parent and look out for the brothers and sisters, taking care to shield them as much as possible from the scenes of domestic violence.

A strong bond develops between these siblings as a result. This has been witnessed by true life accounts where years later the younger siblings who are now adults, reminisce gratefully about how their older brother or sister held them safe under the bed while the violence raged overhead. They remember how they felt comforted by the reassurance of this older child that everything would soon be alright.

These kids even devise games and organize activities to divert their attention from the ongoing violence. In the school yard where it is normal for siblings from non-violent families to pretend to not know each other, these older brothers and sisters watch out and protect their younger flesh and blood from any violence. In fact they always and for as long as they live, have an eye and a ear open for the welfare of their younger siblings, even after they reach adulthood and live miles apart.

Some even take on the responsibility of caring for the victim parent by nursing her wounds, and attempting to persuade her to take her food and medicine. This reverse parenting can go to extreme lengths where the victim comes to depend on these little shoulders for support and cause them to bend and sometimes even break. Some kids refuse to go into foster homes believing their leaving is a kind of desertion, and even assume all the blame for any ensuing tragedy. They prefer to remain behind and take care of their siblings and mother.

These little child victims of domestic violence often exhibit enormous reserves of mental fortitude and resources, rising up to meet challenging situations with uncanny clear sightedness and thinking that may fail an adult.

They learn to watch out for signs of domestic violence and become adept at adopting ways of avoiding it. But this doesn't mean it leaves them unscathed. These little heroes grow into insecure, highly neurotic adults whose glasses are always half empty. They always expect to be hit and hurt and react as if eternally under attack. They never know peace of mind until finally one day they snap and wind up on the analyst's couch.

Other kids turn on their younger siblings like the father does on the mother. This is the only form of communication they know of and are capable of emulating and they unconsciously do a good job of it.

They bully and intimidate their younger siblings in a bid to vent their own unfathomable frustrations. An unloved child is a frustrated child, chased by demons he or she can't name or identify.

All they know is that something terribly important is missing in their lives and keeping them from feeling whole and satiated. This follows them into adulthood and wrecks the lives of those who come into their lives.

Some children who grow up figure out the missing piece and go on to find it in loving relationships that finally complete the picture of their lives. Others live on uncomprehending, ultimately uncaring, leaving destroyed lives in their wake. What began as something as innocuous as sibling rivalry ends up in full scale violence inflicted on whoever is unfortunate enough to cross their path.

Domestic Violence and Security Cameras

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:04:41 GMT

Domestic Violence and Security Cameras

Domestic Violence victims can resort to numerous aids to recover or recoup from their predicament. Science and technology have grown vast enough to accommodate almost any need you may think of.

In domestic violence cases whereas it is usual to approach aid agencies, voluntary institutions, the police and governmental organizations for help, it might also be of help to think out side the box, and come up with avenues more in line with the times.

Surveillance cameras have been used by the government and other public agencies for a long time now. Its use has extended to the private zone including homes, where it is employed to keep an eye on the babysitter, the young children, the elderly, a cheating spouse, and even your precious property. It really doesn't take much of a stretch of the imagination to extend its duties to include an abusive partner who may harbor harmful intentions.

A family in the throes of domestic violence consists of members who often have a lot to hide from each other. There is certainly no trust, love or any such exalted emotions, rather suspicion, assumptions, and insecurities rule.

As a victim you may probably have made plans to escape, contact a domestic violence shelter, or at least build a life of your own in the near future. If any inkling of these plans reaches the abuser, he could go berserk and wreck your plans even before they are hatched. Long before it reaches a stage where he is slapped with a restraining order for stalking you, he would have started to go through your stuff.

There is an insatiable need in him to know what you are up to, and he will leave no stone unturned to find out. He may go through your personal belongings; your computer, your papers and documents; even steal or hide your jewelry.

With a strategically placed surveillance camera you would have solid proof rather than gut wrenching doubts. You can spare yourself the stress of suspicion and act quickly to cover your tracks, and keep your precious property out of harm's way. You can even take it a step further and plant things you want him to find thus misleading him.

It would also be sensible to realize that you could be under surveillance by him as well. His intense need to know your whereabouts and actions might induce him to do to you what you are doing to him.

Stories about domestic violence reveal how the abuser has an almost pathological need to know your whereabouts. So beware and be alert. If you feel the need to rummage through his stuff, think twice. These cameras come in all sizes, and hidden within the most innocuous looking objects from books to teddy bears to clocks. So you would do well to tread carefully in this situation.

From another perspective, camera recordings have been known to actually convert people from their abusive behavior. When faced with their abusive worst on screen, men and women have been known to be taken aback by their own venom and hurtful speech. They get a good look at themselves through the eye of the camera and the truth hits home.

For perhaps the first time, they come face to face with the cruelty they mete out to their partner and children, and the gravity of the situation sinks in.

A picture can certainly speak a thousand words and may even prove effective in quelling the domestic violence at least in some cases. So if you have a recording of your abuser in full flow it might help all concerned, if you shared it with the domestic violence counselor.

Domestic Violence Cases

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:04:24 GMT

Domestic Violence Cases

Some domestic abuse cases manage to come to the public eye either because of the social status of the people involved, or the extent of the brutality perpetrated.

Domestic Violence Case 1

The Lissette Ochoa domestic violence case would be one belonging to the latter category.

Lissette and Rafael Dangond had been married for 9 years and had two children. Their married life was littered with the occasional 'incidents' that are usually considered as being a part of 'normal' married life.

But on the night of July 29, 2006, Lissette realized the extent to which these 'normal' incidents could go. On this night, the Dangonds attended a wedding at the exclusive Country Club in Barranquilla, Colombia. While Lissette danced with old friends, Rafael sat and stared, and then allegedly went into the bathroom and got high on either drugs or alcohol.

He proceeded to propel her towards the exit and then the battering began; in the car park, in the car, while driving, and after they reached home, for 2 continuous hours. She managed to lock herself in the bathroom and call her father, before he broke the door in and shot her.

When her father arriving to the scene, he was distraught over the sight of his daughter looking like a character in a horror movie, dragging herself out of the house. He immediately called the police who told him to call back in the morning. He then rushed her to hospital where it took over a month for the physical trauma to heal.

Lissette wrote her side of the story in an article titled, "Never Again," but has since reconciled with her abuser after he publicly apologized and underwent professional therapy for his psychological issues and substance addiction.

Domestic Violence Case 2

There was no happy ending for Rebecca, Katheryn, and Leslie aged 10, 8, and 7 respectively, because they were shot dead by their father, Simon Gonzales, after he had abducted them from their mother's front yard where they had been playing.

When the mother found the children gone, Jessica Lenahan immediately notified the Cast Rock police and asked them to enforce the active restraining order she had taken against him.

The police did not respond, nor did they do anything about the restraining order, but asked her to wait till 10 p.m. to see if her daughters would return. When she called again at 10 p.m., they actually told her to wait a couple more hours.

The distraught mother called them again at midnight this time with information as to the whereabouts of Gonzales and her daughters, but was still ignored by the law enforcers. During the long hours from 6 p.m. until they were killed in cold blood at 3:20 a.m., Jessica had repeatedly called and begged the police fearing for the safety of her daughters.

The murderer then actually went and opened fire at a police station with a shot gun and the police shot him to death. Hours earlier he had murdered his daughters, and if the police had reacted half as fast as a snail, those young lives could have been saved.

In 2000, Jessica filed a $30 million lawsuit against the Castle Rock Police Dept.; however, in a terrible disgrace of justice her case has been dismissed by the district court, and all the way up to the Supreme Court. Now supported by various voluntary organizations, Jessica has taken her case before the International Human Rights Commission, and the outcome is awaited.

Domestice Violence Case 3

The case of Teresa Macias vs. Sonoma County Sheriff is another one where a life was lost for lack of police action. But Teresa's blood was not shed in vain. In the last year and a half before she died, Teresa, a mother of three, had called on the Sonoma County Sheriff almost 22 times requesting protection from her abusive husband, Avelino.

Not once was she taken seriously and on the 15th of April, 1996, he shot her dead. Six months later, the mourning Macias family went into action and filed a $15 million federal civil rights lawsuit against the county sheriff. It followed the lawsuits filed by many women and was dismissed. Fortunately, the family appealed and won.

Lopez, the officer who failed to respond lost his job, and hopefully this sets a precedent where police officers lose their jobs because of domestic violence when they fail to respond appropriately. This turned out to be a landmark case which carved out a hitherto unavailable right for women to hold police accountable when protection is denied, even though the 14th Amendment guarantees "equal protection under the law."

Love According to Domestic Violence

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:04:07 GMT

Love According to Domestic Violence

There are seven kinds of love according to theology. These range from philadelphia to agape, with eros in the middle, of which philadelphia denotes brotherly love; agape the selfless love that expects nothing in return; and of course, eros which is of the body. For a relationship to succeed and flourish there has to be the agape mode of love on both sides. Often it is one-sided and the one at the receiving end laps it all up as some medieval god lapping up the blood offering.

Too often, women believe erroneously that they are really in a loving relationship when they fall in love. Let us examine this statement further. When a woman falls in love, she simply assumes her partner has too.

Frequently, there is a huge disparity in their thinking which is revealed later--too much later. It is like a couple watching the sunset and exclaiming, "It's awesome." He might have meant the sea, and she might have meant the clouds. They go on to make plans based on what they believe is a strong foundation where both enjoy the same things, when they actually meant totally different things.

Eventually it turns out he wanted someone who loved the ocean, and she detests it. He thinks fluffy clouds are silly. Assuming the other thinks like you and has the same desires and needs as you is a big mistake. The gulf that reveals itself later on is too wide to be bridged, and it might lead to frustrations and bitterness. This may, in turn, culminate in violent expressions of physical domestic abuse.

Another misconception regarding love is that it hurts to be in love. Some women actually believe that a sorrowful heart is inevitable if you are in love. You love someone so much, even their little acts of callousness hurts you.

Here is your wake up call and very obvious sign most dismiss for many reasons (fear, insecurity, rejection, etc). If your partner did share the same degree of love, he would check his callousness at the door forever and not hurt you.

If you are crying most of the time, you are not (I repeat, NOT) in a love relationship; and many people who know you will tell you that you are just a glutton for punishment. In such a scenario, this verbal abuse is emotional domestic violence, which takes a serious toll on your health. (Trust me, I know.)

It might seem incredible but it is true that at least some women believe that when in love, they must relinquish all rights to a personal life. Find out where this belief comes from, and get rid of it! God put you here to serve Him, not an abusive man who has no morals or ethical beliefs (or he would not do these things to you, period).

These women willingly let go of all they used to be and fashion themselves into what they believe a wife is supposed to be. They actually initiate proceedings by effacing themselves to such a degree that the man believes it is now expected of him to take control over her, the finances, in fact the whole family affairs.

While this might be amicable in the beginning, eventually he loses respect for her and treats her miserably, and may (most likely will) even go out looking to spice things up. So this is another wrong idea about love that leads to emotional domestic abuse.

Sometimes you are simply in love with the idea of being in love.

This happens to products of broken homes, who simply can't wait to fall in love, set up home and family, and show 'em how it's done. They have planned everything down to the childrens' names and the pets they're going to have. In this list is also a vision of their dream man with who they will settle down in suburbia.

When a guy who comes even close to their envisioned man comes along, they snap him up without bothering too much about as to why there are so many lines on his forehead or why his jaw always seem clenched. Once again, the stage is set for a domestic violence saga that slowly unfolds as the years go by.

Do you even know what kind of background this man has? Pay for a full police record online. It's less than $100 and might just save your life. Go to ZabaSearch.com and find basic information, then pay for the full background check before proceeding with any real commitment.

It is important for women to understand that love is serious business. They have to have the sense to distinguish it from sexual attraction, mere infatuations, sympathy, physical charm, or even a fat wallet with all the trappings that come with it. Having this awareness will save at least some women from walking into death traps with their eyes tight shut.

Domestic Violence Witnesses

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:03:50 GMT

Domestic Violence Witnesses

Seeing is believing; and nothing you see can make you believe that the human being is an animal capable of infinite cruelty, as a domestic violence episode can. War and acts of willful destruction are other examples of human depravity, but there is a distance that separates the viewer and the incident which somehow makes it seem less real.

When an act of violence takes place in your living room, and it is not on TV, but right before your eyes, you are a witness, a participant experiencing every blow, cringing at every insult, flinching at every crash, crying as if all that pain were your own.

Domestic violence witnesses are often children ranging from toddler to teenager. But there are cases where the victim's mother, sister or friend can happen to be at the scene. There have been instances where a female friend or relative have had to face the ire of the abuser either for supporting the victim, or challenging the attack.

Rarely, if ever, would an attacker choose a moment when there might be someone his own size around. He would make sure that the only witnesses around are people he can push around and would be intimidated by him. This would usually be some feeble elderly person, or female relative or friend, and of course, his own little children.

Children are the most common witnesses to the violence inflicted by the father on their mother. When a disagreement arises as is wont to in any normal relationship, the sane parents take care to resolve it behind closed doors, and in hushed tones so as not to wake the sleeping children.

But in the case of domestic violence, the father might be banging the mother's head against the chair on which the child is seated. That is how callous they can be with regard to the feelings of the little ones. The terror they create in their little hearts is none of their concern. At that demented moment all that the abuser can think of is hurting the victim. The last thing on his mind is the effect it has on the witnesses.

Due to this tendency on the part of the abuser, children come to witness all sorts of violent acts ranging from sexual assault to murder. The repercussions thus engendered have been posed as the cause of intergenerational domestic violence epidemics.

According to the New Jersey Department of Community Affairs, about 81% of men who abuse their partners had fathers who abused their mothers. A survey conducted by the Massachusetts Dept. of Youth Services found that children who grew up in a violent domestic atmosphere had a 74% chance of committing criminal assault.

Based on these domestic violence statistics, it is easy to see that violence begins at home, just as surely as charity does. Interviews with child victims of domestic abuse reveal the feelings of frustration, fear, and anger they feel when witness to such violence. Long after it is over, and years after they experienced the trauma, the emotions it engendered continue to lie just below the surface of their minds.

It is another sad statistic that about 40% of youth aged 19 -29 in state prisons are there for killing their mother's abuser.

It was due to the rampancy of this vile situation involving children that the domestic violence law was amended to make domestic abuse in front of a child a felony. Earlier, acts of domestic violence were considered misdemeanors.

Fortunately, the enormous impact that these horrific episodes have on children has brought about this change. As a result of this amendment the Domestic Violence Witness Project was initiated, where child witnesses are interviewed to gather evidence and help victims access the various resources set up to help them. These interviews are conducted by trained police officers and Services to Children and Families personnel.

However, it has to be noted that not all batterers grew up witnessing domestic abuse. It is only one among a whole lot of other lesser known triggers. The obvious proof to this would be that there are sons of abusers who grow into strong, sensitive men who genuinely value their family, and would do anything to protect them. Sometimes a man stoops to domestic violence for the simple reason that he really is just a bad guy.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:03:34 GMT

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence was formed in January 1978, by about a 100 domestic violence advocates, in Washington DC. They had arrived to take part in the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights hearing where the problems of battered women were discussed.

What began low key has now over 2000 domestic violence shelters and service programs with head quarters situated in Denver, Colorado, targeted towards providing a safe non-violent environment for battered women and children.

The NCADV is an organization working towards a violence free society, by means of empowering individuals as well as communities towards the fruition of this goal. It recognizes the fact that domestic violence stems from the infernal need of control over others in the family.

This violence as a result of wanting to control is not confined to the domestic sphere, but is also evident in the rest of society in various forms such as racism, sexism, homophobia, ageism and a host of others. The organization clearly believes that these conditions remain unchanging and in fact gets worse instead of better due to the unchanging nature of the system that refuses to see this issue with the seriousness necessary to put an end to it. Therefore the ultimate aim of the NCADV is to work towards creating changes that would help to create a society where violence of all forms—both domestic and public—will be curbed.

According to the information available on their website, their work involves community based non-violent options at all levels—local, state, regional, and national. This includes shelter programs for domestic violence victims, education and technical skills assistance, as well as policy development and legislation at higher levels. They even have representation for under recognized sections.

Their work aims at cutting the roots of the fundamental causes of domestic violence in both rural as well as urban areas, and involves domestic abuse victims of all social, economic, racial, and religious groups of all ages and sections of society. The organization seeks to empower women by making them independent, helping them regain control over their lives. This is achieved by forming communities where women are the main policy makers.

It works as the hub of information and referral center mainly for victims, but also for the media, the general public, and other related organizations and institutions. All their programs are tailored to suit the victim's special needs and capabilities. The whole purpose is to rebuild the tattered ego and self-esteem of the victims, in order to bring them back into the mainstream.

NCADV has also sponsored over eleven national conferences on domestic violence to broaden the scope of their work. This makes for the perfect platform for networking, leadership development, dialogue and debate.

NCADV also provides invaluable services to survivors of physical abuse in the form of Cosmetic and Reconstructive Support Program. This has the volunteer services of facial plastic surgeons, cosmetic dentists, and dermatological surgeons from all over the country.

Face To Face is another such program started in 1994, by the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery that offers reconstructive surgery for domestic abuse victims. The toll free number for the Face to Face Program is 1-800-842-4546. Give Back a Smile is a similar program by the American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry and the AACD Charitable Foundation. This takes care of the 'smile zone' of victim's face, repairing damage to front teeth caused by an intimate partner. The toll free number is 1-800-773-4227.

The American Society for Dermatologic Surgery helps victims with scars, burns and other similar injuries caused by domestic violence. The toll free number is 1-888-892-6702.

Another very useful service for abuse victims is the Financial Education Project, which aims at economic self-sufficiency. Issues such as budgeting, credit, banking etc. are addressed. Economic control is one major weapon employed by abusers to keep the victim in their control. Lack of finances is also a major reason why women remain in abusive relationships, or go back after leaving. NCADV takes this into serious consideration and has various programs intended to amend this situation.

With the support of The Body Shop through the sale of its Daisy Soap, the NCADV has plans for a Teacher Training Program aimed to accommodate the special needs of children with domestic violence background. This educates teachers on the effects of domestic violence on children, the various resources that help combat the abuse, and how best to help the child lead as normal a life as is possible under the circumstances.

3/4 oz. 17% Streetwise Pepper Spray with Clip and Key Ring

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Please Help Spread Domestic Violence Awareness Products

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:03:16 GMT

Domestic Violence Products, Spread Awareness

Donation from Each Sale to Domestic Violence Shelters

I want to make a difference for thousands of people, so they do not have to go through what I did and many others do each second, 24 hours a day.

So I thought long and hard about how I have felt while being abused, after being abused, and how other abused people have felt.

I came up with numerous sayings you might have heard over the years. I made these ideas, thoughts, and sayings into products and opened an online store so everyone could help a little bit and also bring more desperately needed attention to this tragic cause.

I am donating a Portion of Every Domestic Violence Product Purchase to Domestic Violence Shelters and Resources to Give Abused Victims a Safe Way Out.

There are bumper stickers, t-shirts, mugs, calendars, cards, and many other high quality items.

Do you know someone who would love to know you care and want them to be safe?

A gift of one of these products might help them feel some comfort knowing they are not alone.

Just by wearing a shirt, using a mug, or placing a bumper sticker on your car or a book will also help spread the word about the "hush-hush" subject of Domestic Violence that many are ashamed to talk about, so it is quietly "swept under the rug" while innocent victims are killed every day.

Please see my store, where I designed the insipiring graphics and products at this link:

Domestic Violence Products

Thank You for Your Support. Please Tell a Friend.

God Bless,

Adrienne

Domestic Violence Story Chapter One

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:02:58 GMT

Domestic Violence Story - Chapter One

To show or not to show? To share or not to share? After deliberating, it was a no brainer for me to show other women (and men), just SOME of what I have been through. Yes, a picture tells a thousand words. But why did it happen? What did "I" do to cause it? Was there any domestic violence prevention that could have been done? Why did he do this? Many women ask these same questions.

Sometimes there are absolutely NO "logical" reasons why things happen. Sometimes there are logical reasons. But none of them make us physically, emotionally, or mentally feel any better after they happen.

Was this the only time? Well, I would love to tell you it was. But that wouldn't be the truth. And the truth is why we are all here, right? To find the truth and seek our own solutions to get out.

Were there red flags? In reflection, "Heck, yes!"

He was so nice at first. A gentleman, seriously. Then we moved in together. BIG mistake. By then, financially, times were difficult. A few months after we moved in, I was laid off from my job. The man who hired me kept me employed until his wife came back from pregnancy leave, then he let me go and she took over my position. He never mentioned his plan to only keep me until she returned.

The strain financially did not make my boyfriend happy. We started getting into disagreements. Then one night the yelling started. So I went into the bathroom and packed a bag to go and stay at my girlfriend's house. Ahhh, THAT is when it started. He threw me across the bathroom and I hit my head on the sink and fell between the toilet and the sink to the floor. I remember staring at my legs and arms. They were not comfortable in the contorted position in which they landed. But I was in shock mostly that he so effortlessly pushed my chest and I literally flew across the bathroom.

Instead of hearing "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that!", I heard, "You're not f@#$ing going anywhere!" Obviously, I stayed home.

Please see Domestic Violence Story Chapter 2

Domestic Violence Story Chapter Two

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:02:37 GMT

Domestic Violence Story - Chapter Two

Things seemed to calm down, and he even "allowed" my friends to come over to our place for the first time in the 6 months we had been living together. I wanted things to go so well, I worked very hard to get the food and drinks ready and cleaned diligently.

My boyfriend was a recovering alcoholic and was clean and sober for 7 years. When my friends arrived, I served the drinks. He said he didn't want one, but I said it was okay for him to have just one. I didn't want him to feel awkward or left out.

Okay, you get it, right? That's where I messed up. And having no previous knowledge of what a serious alcoholic was about and thought having a couple drinks wouldn't be such a big deal, I certainly learned my lesson.

(It took 3 days for my eye to open just to see if I was blind from the injury. There was cornea damage, the thank The Lord, I still had my sight.)

I served everyone drink after drink that night, and everyone, including my boyfriend, had a fantastic time!

When everyone was walking out the door was left open, and I noticed my dog, Pebbles, got out. We lived right on a main road, and I was frantic and asked him to get Pebbles right away. I can't recall what his reply was, but he didn't go outside to look, so I said it again, "Pebbles got out, we need to get her now!"

I was cleaning all the beer bottles up all over the coffee table, and I was standing right next to the couch. All I remember is being thrown into the couch on my back and held down. His knee was pushed down on my chest and one of his hands was squeezing my arm. I couldn't move at all.

Then it began. What seemed to last hours probably only lasted a solid 60 seconds and about 20 or more punches. I will never forget one punch, it sent my eyeball crashing right into my head! It hurt so badly, I thought my eye was gone. I felt my eye being shoved so hard into my brain it was brutal.

(This was taken more than 2 weeks after the incident.)

But he didn't stop. I weighed 115 pounds and was 5' 6" tall. Hardly a match for a guy, even though he was shorter than I was.

The punches to my face, neck and chest continued. I remember saying "I'm sorry, please forgive me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please. I love you."

Then he stopped suddenly! He took a beer bottle and broke it over his head. (A sudden rush of guilt came to his mind? Who knows!)

No time for making up or worrying about HIS head, I ran as fast as I could out of the apartment!

I ran to the convenience store area which was in our parking lot. Apparently the store owner saw me bleeding and yelling for help and called 911.

At just that moment, all of my friends came back and looked at me like they saw a ghost. Only about 15 minutes passed by since they left. It turns out they took my dog, Pebbles, as a joke. It didn't turn out to be so funny though. But she was okay, so I was VERY relieved about that! She was my pride and joy! If you seriously want unconditional love, animals don't let you down! :o) So I won't let them down, that's for sure.

My Pebbles...I got her when she was 5 weeks old. She fit in the palm of my hand. We were together for 17 years, some of the best years of my life. I was very blessed to have her love in my life.

Please See Domestic Violence Story Chapter 3

Domestic Violence Story Chapter Three

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:02:20 GMT

Domestic Violence Story - Chapter 3

5 police cars, 10 policemen. Searched the vicinity, never found him. When they left, he showed up. He looked at me and started screaming, "Who the hell did this to you!?" I only had one eye to look at him with and disgustingly looked at him while all my friends were there and said, "You did."

He didn't believe it. He said he went into a "blackout." Well, my opinion of whether or not alcoholics actually do go into "blackouts" is neither here nor there. But something happened that was never fully understandable, that's for certain.

What happened to him? Well, this was a while ago, and California didn't impose strict standards on domestic violence abuse the way they do today. That's too bad, isn't it?

He got 30 days of picking up garbage on the side of the road. BUT, since he had a doctor's note saying he had a bad back from a car accident, he actually only wound up doing 15 days doing desk duty. He would leave early because the woman running the program said he was a hard worker.

Trying to get a job (remember, I had been laid off) looking beat up was impossible. I didn't even leave the house for two weeks, and he shut off the phone so I didn't have anyway to even make phone calls to get a job.

There's more to the story, but this gives you an idea as to how quickly domestic violence can happen. Or was it quickly?

If you see red flags, get out now while you can. My story doesn't get happy, and things didn't get much better, not for quite a while.

I'll tell you more about my life again soon, but please don't repeat my mistakes. Because you will end up with a very difficult, unhappy, low self esteem, codependent life like I have lived for far too long.

Trust me, You DO Deserve Better!

God Bless,

Adrienne

P.S. - These pictures were taken 2 weeks after the initial incident. I can tell you this, makeup doesn't hide these injuries. I went to the supermarket because I had no food, so I tried to look decent. I had two people come up to me and ask to take me to the emergency room and wanted to know who just did this to me. When I told them it happened two weeks ago, they didn't believe me.

Teenage Suicide and Domestic Violence

Adrienne DeVita — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:02:02 GMT

Teenage Suicide and Domestic Violence

Teenagers are normally defined in terms of their biological age and not their mental or emotional age. If so, they would come under the definition of being a child in an adult’s body. You look at a teenager, you see a young adult. Some teenage boys are almost six-foot in height by the time they hit their sixteenth year. Teenage girls are even harder to gauge. They may have the physical attributes of a much older woman, and worse, even talk like one, when they are least equipped to do so. So when you hear of domestic violence tearing a family apart, and are also authoritatively informed that the kids are fine because they are already teenagers, don’t be so sure. Data on teenage domestic violence contain spine-chilling tales of children who put an end to their young lives.

Teenage is a turbulent time in ones life under the most normal of circumstances. You go through emotional ups and downs as a matter of routine, not really understanding why it is that you are up or down. Even coming from normal, boring families where the most exciting event would be the lawn-mover getting stuck, teenagers go through phases, in an attempt to figure out who they are. If the family is there behind them like a rock with a light house, the turbulent teen soon finds his moorings and drops anchor. If not, he is wrecked on the treacherous rocks, after years of floundering and being blown about in tempests. A teenager really needs his or her family.

Reasons for domestic violence are many, but the effect of domestic violence on children is just one—disastrous. Smaller children, one may dare to hope, may eventually overcome the trauma, and find healing if shifted from the scene and placed in a more convivial situation. But older children are often unable to do so, and carry this monkey on their backs for a long time. Their fragile psyches are often burdened beyond endurance. The tragic fact is that they are haunted by the specter of domestic violence even long after the parents have ceased communications, and gone their separate ways. Feelings of helplessness, fear, and guilt attain overwhelming proportions and tear the child apart. There is an established correlation between substance abuse and domestic violence. This as well as wild acts of rebellion and a lack of respect for authority are all cries for help, which are quite unintelligible to society, and taken at face-value.

These woes are often compounded if the mother decides to pursue another relationship. The child sees his or her priority in her life slipping to below zero. It is true the woman needs to live her life, but sometimes she makes a wrong choice twice. The step-father/boyfriend may be a divine creature who actually cares for the woman and her children, or he may be a devil-incarnate who abuses the children in everyway he can. If it is the second situation, there really is no hope left for them, but to either leave home and try to make it on their own. This is supported by domestic violence statistics in single parent homes. Or in the deepest of despair, and loneliness when no one seems to care whether they lived or died, they might think so too, and pursue the second option.

If you are a teenager, or younger, make sure you reach out to your parent and tell them how you are feeling and what you are thinking. Often, your parent(s) think you are actually doing fine and don’t even realize your situation. Tell them in a serious manner when they are alone, or make time to be alone with them, and tell them straight up, things have to change, because you literally cannot handle things anymore.

It’s okay. They are the adult. Not you. If they are not emotionally capable to handle it, then you will realize you are not alone after all, that you have each other. Ask your parent if you can help each other and change things together. Sometimes, you’d be very, very surprised that they would rather hold onto you than someone who isn’t their blood relative, namely, her new boyfriend or your new stepfather.

Remember this, above all, you are both in a situation that neither wants to be in. You both seriously need and truly love each other. It is very important you two find a place when you are absolutely alone and plan your next step, be together, help one another, and lean on each other for the love and affection that you both deserve.

Your place in this world will not be determined by a sick, abusive person. It will be determined by your strength to get through this situation in the most positive way you can find. You are bound for greatness. Most of us don’t know that, and we walk about in life aimlessly, wondering why they are here.

Trust me when I tell you this, and I have been at my darkest hour ready to end it all, you ARE here to make a difference. You are here to be VERY successful. There are many, many people you have yet to meet that will love you like you have never been loved before.

If I told you about my life and the adversity I've gotten through, you would probably never believe me. Sometimes, I wonder why I am still here. Then I remember...because you are still here hanging in there, too.

I, personally, pray to The Lord, Jesus Christ, for strength each and every day, and every night when I go to bed. That is my personal belief. So whoever your higher power may be, pray to Him (or her) and ask for the strength, courage, and wisdom to make a beautiful difference in this world through his grace and love.

Believe it. Because You are Worth So Much More Than You’ve Ever Imagined.

Big Hugs! You can do anything you set your mind to...don’t ever forget that! :o)

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